Free Food!!

Reason #21,349,067 to be in Israel from June 17-19:

Kosher food festival coming to town

Prepare your stomachs for the kosher food festival in Petah Tikva, where you definitely won’t find shrimp in cream sauce, white meat or creamed spaghetti Bolognese
Yoav Friedman (Ynetnews)

If you don’t mix milk and meat and avoid pork or seafood, you probably skipped one, two, seven or 20 booths at the annual Tel Aviv food festival. However, on June 17-19 the first gourmet kosher food festival will take place in Petah Tikva, near Tel Aviv, where observant food lovers can eat to their heart's content.

The organizers of the festival taking place a few days prior to summer’s official beginning promise “a quality and kosher gastronomical experience.” The festival will include dozens of kosher restaurants and musical performances by some of Israel’s most popular singers.

Former MK Shaul Yahalom, one of the festival’s initiators, said that “everyone knows that kosher food in Israel is just as tasty, sophisticated and innovative as non-kosher food and there is no reason to be embarrassed by it.

"Kosher food eaters are not fully satisfied and don’t have an opportunity to enjoy all the food offered at all the other Israeli food festivals. So...we are initiating the first kosher gourmet festival in order to allow everyone the opportunity to enjoy a huge, quality-filled and enjoyable festival,” he added.

“Eating Kosher” will take place at Petah Tikva’s large park on June 17-19, 2008 between 18:00-23:00. Entrance is free.

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Declaring Independence - On Israel's 60th Birthday

On this, the holy occasion of the 60th birthday of the Modern State of Israel, I want to share with you how truly happpy I am, with all my heart, to be living in the State of Israel today. So many good Jews have fallen prey to the cynicism and dysphoria sown by lost souls and destroyers, causing them to reject and slander the State of the Jews, decrying its birth and publicly deploring it.

I reject this attitude and practice, now and forever. I declare that the Ehud Olmerts, Dorit Beinisches, and Yisroel Dovid Weisses of this world will NOT steal this state from me, nor will they rape me of my love, joy, and hope for the future of this incredible, flourishing project. I'll be damned if I will budge one inch in ceding my country or my spirit to them, or to those who join them in their practice of shaming, violating, and quashing the Jewish people on their soil.

I declare Independence, on behalf of all the good, sweet, hard-working Jews of Israel, from the mind-control of repression, injustice, and lies perpetrated by a small group of oligarchs, and vow that I will make it my life's mission to establish the Jewish people, proudly, eternally, as a "free nation in our Land". Free to embrace our identity, to love one another, to work together, to seek justice, to serve G-d without shame or inhibition. This is MY country, and if I have to fight my own small War of Independence everyday for the rest of my life, that is what I will do.

At this time, 60 years ago, after a global attempt to annhilate them utterly, the Jewish people struggled with the last breath left in their body to wrest life from the clutches of a cruel world. Some of those whose lives were built on hardship and dreams for the future survived the camps to die on the battlefield. They did not give in to the mighty evil which had battled them for so long, in so many permutations, but rather declared their independence from fear and faced their destiny boldly and simply, fighting for the establishment of a small, precious Jewish State.

Because of these, and so many who have lived and died for the nation of Israel in the last 60 years, as well as the last 600 and before, we are here on our holy soil today. Let us not give any more power to the forces of gloom and doubt, but rather take up the torch of our fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers who carried Hashem's promise to the Jewish people deep in their hearts. Damn those who place obstacles in our path, cloud our minds, and darken our hearts. Declare your Independence today, and let's pray that together, we will live to celebrate the destruction of our enemies and the defeat of evil forces within and without. Let's pray that together, we will celebrate the 100th birthday of the Modern State of Israel on the Holy Land of Israel, the glory of the world, the rightful inheritance of our people.

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Gems of Israel

While I was working on my computer today, a man from the local city council came to install a beeper in my house. Though Beit El-proper has a loud speaker which makes important and emergency announcements for people in town, it is neither particularly easy to understand (it sounds a lot like Charlie Brown's teacher), nor is it powerful enough to reach the mountaintop neighborhood in which I live. This beeper will provide us with the ability to stay well informed when we need it most.

I struck up a conversation with the installer, asking this friendly man with a flowing white beard where he was from originally. I suspected he was from South America, recognizing his accent from numerous pleasant encounters with Jewish doctors from South America in my Israeli medical plan. I was right - he was born in Argentina. However, he said, his family was originally from Lebanon - his grandfather went down to South America to be the Chief Rabbi in the early 1900s. The Succat David yeshiva in Jerusalem was subsequently established in honor of this man's grandfather, who was a noted kabbalist in his time.

"You have some great roots!" I told my guest. "Baruch Hashem" he said, modestly. He then proceeded to explain the beeper device to me, how to check it, and how to know if the message was for an emergency or just for some important information.

How great is the nation of Israel! Even the seemingly ordinary Jew you encounter at your doorstep may have a close and personal connection to the secrets of the universe, to excellence, to nobility, to divinity. Surely this should remind us to judge the Jewish people and their fledgling country for the good - just scratch the surface, and you discover priceless gems wherever you look. Indeed, we should only feel optimistic about the future of these great people in the land of their fathers.

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The Valid Sale

As I sit munching another crunchy sheet of Jewish flatbread, I can't help but recall all the effort it's taken to get to this point. True, I didn't have to tie the deity of my taskmasters to my bedpost or tread lightly through towering walls of sea water this year, but I did undergo a certain degree of suffering and hard work in order to sit at my plastic-draped table this Pesach.

Usually, my husband and I sell any chametz to non-Jews through our local Rabbi, Rav Zalman Melamed. However, we missed the deadline this year, leaving us with a nasty pile of wheat-infused products with which to deal even after Rav Melamed had conducted the sale of Beit El's chametz through the non-Jew of his choice.

Frantic to unload our medicines, perfumes, and wheat-kissed soaps and shampoos on a gentile willing to buy, we started making some calls. One friend mentioned that he had sold his chametz online - through Chabad.org.

We were nervous to conduct this kind of transaction in such a seemingly non-legal sense. After all, if the sale isn't actual and is only symbolic, you are still the owner of chametz during the time in which it is forbidden according to Torah law, and you are therefore not really observing the commandment to rid your home of leaven.

Yet when I arrived at the website of Chabad, I saw that the amazing Jewish outreach organization was taking the sale quite seriously, and that I could once again rely on that enthusiastic and committed group to navigate me through the holiday with confidence and halachic certainty.

On behalf of my husband, myself, and my daughter, I completed the online form, which delegated power to sell my chametz to a Chabad rabbi named Yosef Landa after confirming my location for the holiday, address, contact information, and providing me with a space to specify the exact location of any chametz and how the purchaser could collect his purchases. I subsequently received a receipt of sale, ensuring me that my chametz would be sold to a gentile around noon on Friday, and suggesting that if the gentile were amenable, Chabad would purchase back the chametz for me after the holiday and I could begin using it by 10pm after Pesach ends.

Chabad, what would we do without you? Your knack for enabling Jews to perform mitzvahs never ceases to amaze and gratify me. Whether on the streets of New York, or in my living room in Beit El, you are still the greatest. Thank you!

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The Motherland

Recently, on a shopping trip in Jerusalem, I stopped by a Superpharm, Israel's largest drugstore chain. Being the kind of girl who used to meander through Duane Reade back in the day to see what our friends at Maybelline were thinking up, or if there had been any advances on the toothpaste front, I popped in, with an eye toward some Ahava products to give out in the Exile on my upcoming trip. Nothing says "Israel is WAY more awesome than America" more than a jar of scented sea salts or a packet of squooshy, nutritive mud.

As my 5 and a half month old daughter needs some early training in the shopping arts (get them while they're young, ladies), I took her along, pushing her eager, pudgy little body through the store in her stroller.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Israeli drugstores, they aren't the casual browsing experiences you recognize from the Diaspora. Israeli drugstores also contain WILDLY overpriced American and European cosmetics and their corresponding makeup counter ladies. These aggressive but friendly women are squeezed together in the middle of the store, guarding the really expensive makeup and perfume and concurrently trying to get you to wear it, making that the very, very last place in the store one wants to go. However, like an onion with so many layers, there is a second layer - the lamer European cosmetics and the Israeli stuff, like Ahava and Dr. Fischer. These articles are found in the aisles on either side of the main center aisle, and are serviced by only a few women, who are generally more relaxed, though equally as made up as their Estee Lauder-touting counterparts.

So I maneuvered my carriage through the tightly-stocked store, arriving finally at the Ahava section. At that point, my daughter started to cry, so I took her out of the carriage, and carried her with me as I looked through the products. That's when she saw us - I don't know her name, but you know her. She sports a big grin, powerfully highlighted hair heretofore unseen in her native Morocco, long acrylic nails and a snug cotton/lycra shirt not stamped with the Badatz seal of approval.

"[Gasp!]" I turned around quickly to see what could have gone wrong, who fell, who died, whose pants ripped up the back.

"Wai wai wai!!!! Aizeh metukah! Chamudah! Kapparah aleichem!! tfoo tfoo tfooo!" Translation: "Wow, wow, wow! What a sweetie! Cutie! ...[not translatable - if you want to understand, come live in Israel]"

She approached us with enthusiasm generally reserved for long lost relatives or the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. She asked if she could hold my baby, who, like a true Fleisher, was glowing from all the attention, and smiling a big toothless smile. So I agreed, inherently trusting most Moroccan women of any hair color. She started to play, to coo, to dance with my baby. She asked her name, which I told her, and she started talking and singing to the baby. I thought to myself "that's so sweet. Gosh, people are nice."

And then it happened. "Rachel!! Come over here! Did you see this baby?!" Rachel (not necessarily the actual name, but bear with me for purposes of the story) turned around, saw my daughter, and the same ecstatic greeting was repeated. Rachel skittered off to another aisle to alert the cell phone saleswomen, who turned the corner, saw my baby, and emitted a high pitched noise I have only heard from dog whistles and Russian women. The cell phone saleswoman, with high, scary heels, asked if SHE could hold the baby, which I acquiesced to. Then the first lady scurried over to the main cosmetics area to get the other cosmetics saleswomen, who arrived in a group of about 5, while the second lady went off to help a customer in the now service-free store.

At some point, I just kind of walked away, and found the Dead Sea creams and salts I was looking for, while my baby was celebrated and shared, passed from a Russian lady to a Yemenite, to another Moroccan, to a German. They squeezed her legs, pinched her cheeks, bounced her up and down and blessed her with a long life and good health. When I came back, the newcomers asked me her name, where we were from (good PR for Samaria!), and wished me lots of nachat (nachas for you in the Exile) from her, with glowing faces and real warmth. Some of them saw her and proposed shidduchim (marriage proposals) with their sons and grandsons. One by one, after wishing me a good day and a mazal tov, they returned to their work, pushing eye shadow and body creams to the Israeli masses.

Twenty minutes after arriving in the Ahava aisle, we left the store with our purchases. I put the baby back in her carriage, where she lay quietly gurgling to herself, fully satiated by all the love and admiration.

I thought about America, where "other people's children" are rarely handled, except by a licensed professional, and then frequently with some sort of supervision or bio hazard barrier for fear of someone being accused of or contracting something. I was gratified by the honest, effervescent love of these Jewish women for my baby, and for me by warrant of being her mother. Superpharm ladies, we love you, too.

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Monopoly Isn't Just A Game Anymore

In a recent post, I complained about a Facebook application removing Judea and Samaria from the map of Israel, thereby prohibiting me from illustrating where I live on my profile page. I was angry that global politics had to affect something so pop-light as my Facebook profile, home to things like Zombies, Pokes, and Hatching Eggs.

Well, it appears that the global jihad just can't keep its grubby hands out of my life, and has even invaded childhood games - to that, I say "Do not pass go, do not collect $200."

I wish there were a way to display the disgusted head shaking and heavy sigh that were elicited from me when I heard about the utterly lame Monopoly scandal. If you're just making your way back from a 6 week vacation in the Tibetan country side, I'll fill you in: Hasbro, makers of the well-known Monopoly board game, decided to make an international edition, allowing people from around the world to vote for cities which would appear as squares or "properties" on the board.

In the grand tradition of the Olympics and Eurovision, patriots and loyalists around the world took to their keyboards, voting for their various cities. And then came Islam.

As per the paradoxical usual, in which Arabs are swift, organized, resourceful and ambitious in screwing up someone else's good day (and altogether incapable of any other productive endeavor), they made a big ruckus over how Jerusalem REALLY belongs to the Palestinians, blah, blah, blah, and Hasbro removed the name of Israel from alongside Jerusalem - so while Marrakesh would should up as Marrakesh, Morocco, and Sydney would show up as Sydney, Australia, Jerusalem just showed up as Jerusalem. Kind of like what will happen on my daugter's US passport now that we've registered here as having been born in the Holy City.

Of course, Jews around the world protested this rude deletion, to which Hasbro responded by removing all country names from voting. Sydney is just Sydney, and Marrakesh is just Marrakesh. And Jersualem is just Jerusalem.

Is it just me, or can this type of struggle against niche anti-Zionism become really lame and boring? So many good people spend so much time fighting over minute issues of Jewish rights and recognition in little local papers, university seminars, and Monopoly votes. Is it worth our time?

I am conflicted on the issue. On the one hand, I can't tell you how much I want to escape from these fights, which I find to be kind of pathetic and useless. So much of the world is converted to Islamophilia (or maybe it's just Islamophobia), that I doubt another letter to the editor in some small town paper is going to change much. On the other hand, how can we stand silently in ANY forum when lies are being disseminated and Jewish rights are threatened? Is it important to vote for Jerusalem in Monopoly, to have our city represented in some stupid game, or is it now important NOT to vote for Jerusalem, because it is being touted as some kind of international no-man's-land?

What do you think?

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Killing In the Name Of...

I woke up this morning, and as usual, asked my husband, who always gets up early to hear the news, what was going on in the world. He told me that America had suffered another shooting attack at a school, this time at an Illinois university.

So I went online to check out the story, which is still unravelling. Some alumnus came into a science class, shot up the teacher and some random students, and then killed himself. Six are dead, including the killer, and over a dozen are hospitalized. Wow.

Then came the shocker, which I will quote verbatim from the Associated Press:

The shooting was the fourth at a U.S. school within a week.

On Feb. 8, a woman shot two fellow students to death before committing suicide at Louisiana Technical College in Baton Rouge. In Memphis, Tenn., a 17-year-old is accused of shooting and critically wounding a fellow student Monday during a high school gym class, and the 15-year-old victim of a shooting at an Oxnard, Calif., junior high school has been declared brain dead.

Now I have to say, that sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the sense of violence in Israel, what with maniacal Muslims looking to murder me all the time and whatnot. But I'm starting to get the sense that America's not such a safe zone these days, either. And at least violence in Israel is related to some sort of meaning, a stated religio-cultural war, rather than the I-have-nothing-better-to-do glutted slayings which are ramping up in America.

So I'd like to wish the people of America, the people of Israel, and the people all over the world a holy, meaningful, and peaceful Shabbat. I hope we'll all do what we've got to do to end the victimization of good people.

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Kick Shas' Fax

Here are the fax numbers of the Shas Knesset members. Thanks to their continued participation in the Olmert coalition, we all get to enjoy the painful, sluggish path downward that is comprised of unchecked rocket attacks, threats against Jewish communities, mass releases of convicted terrorists, and various other acts bespeaking corruption and soul sickness.

I hope that you will take 5 minutes, pick three (or more) of these people, and make it your mission to show them that their presence in the government has not gone unnoticed, and that it is not looked upon favorably by potential voters and their friends.

For you, it's 5 minutes. For Israel, it's the future.

I am writing the numbers with the international dialing code at the beginning, for all of you in the exile who are desperate to be involved in what's going on in Israel. For those of you already here, you already know how to dial.

Avraham Michaeli - 011-972-2-675-3961
Eli Yishai - 011-972-2-6662923
Amnon Cohen 011-972-2-640-8927
Ariel Atias - 011-972-2-562-1599
David Azoulay - 011-972-2-675-3908
Chaim Amsalem - 011-972-2-649-6527
Yaakov Margi - 011-972-2-675-3759
Yitzchak Cohen - 011-972-2-531-1308
Meshualam Nahari - 011-972-2-569-5360
Nissim Ze'ev - 011-972-2-649-6549
Roi Lachmanovitch - 011-972-2-666-6209
Shlomo Benizri - 011-972-2-675-3747
Yitzchak Vaknin- 011-972-2-649-6079

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Get Active - RIGHT NOW!

There are a lot of activism opportunities today for those of you who are truly pained by the suffering of our brothers and sisters in Sderot. Here are some for your immediate participation:

1. The Totally Most Awesome Women of Israel organization, known to you as Women in Green, is rallying at 6:30pm - TONIGHT, Monday, February 11th, in front of the Prime Minister's Office (between the Knesset and the Supreme Court).

For details please call 052-3121383

2. At 8pm, also TONIGHT, head out to the Kotel for another rally - a prayer rally - organized by two kids from New York who are learning at the Tiferet Center in Ramat Beit Shemesh. You won't be alone - approximately 2,000 yeshiva and seminary students are expected to attend. The rally is called Enough is Enough! For more information, contact Rabbi Elie Mayer at 052-616-4050

3. For all of you who cannot attend tonight's rallies, and want to do some good work, this is your chance! Yishai called a Shas member on his show today, and asked his secretary why Shas was still in the government, because Jerusalem is, in fact, on the table (and Shas swore it would leave the government if surrendering Jerusalem to the local Arabs were to ever be discussed as a possibility). He then asked her if Shas had received any faxes asking them to leave.

The answer was no - not one! So you're going to fix that now:

Here are the fax and phone numbers of Shas Knesset members. If you don't send a fax or call one of these people, you officially don't care about what's happening in Sderot:

Avraham Michaeli: Fax - 02-6753961. Telephone - 050-3331526
Eli Yishai: Fax - 02-6662923. Telephone - 054-5444444
Amnon Cohen: Fax - 02-6408927. Telephone - 02-6408372

Because I want to get this post up fast enough to enable you to make the rallies, I'll post the rest later - get out there and make your difference!

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Work in the King's Palace

Saving Israel, one paycheck at a time:
1. Executive Assistant for the Overseas Department of the City of David. • English mother tongue • Hebrew proficient • High level writing and communication skills in English • Experienced in organization and coordination • Ability to multi-task and work under pressure • Excellent computer skills • Available to work flexible hours, including some evenings • Creative, energetic, assertive, detail oriented, dynamic and warm.

2. Position available in the Reservations Department of the City of David English and Hebrew proficient, high level of expression, ability to provide a professional service over the phone. Full time position, One year commitment.
Please send your resume to Efrat@cityofdavid.org.il

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Kumah's Tu B'Shevat Seder

Does anyone know what tomorrow is?

If you are living in the United States of America you will probably answer “Of course - it’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day.”

No, silly! Tomorrow night is Tu B’Shvat!

(Those of you in Israel would say “Of course – It’s Tu B’Shvat tomorrow night!” And would say – “Really? MLK day? I had no idea!”)

Tu B’Shvat – yet another reason to make Aliyah. Here this “forgotten holiday” is actually widely celebrated. The sad truth is (even though, or perhaps because, I grew up in Yeshivish surroundings) I never even heard of a Tu B’shvat seder until I actually made Aliyah. Here everybody makes them.

Last year Kumah’s own Malkah put together an absolutely stunning Tu B’shvat Haggadah! (Special thanks the Yechiel for helping us dig it up.)

DOWNLOAD IT IN PDF FORMAT BY CLICKING HERE!

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The Same Jews

Sometimes I feel like I'm beating the Jews-need-to-return-to-Israel-and-their-collective-lack-of-initiative-is-a-sign-of-their-lack-of-faith-in-G-d issue like a dead horse. I don't know how we could express this seemingly obvious fact any further.

But I'll try.

One thing that really bugs me is when people read the Torah as a legend of days gone by. The Children of Israel coming out of Egypt are usual catalysts for a sort of global Jewish headshaking - we wonder at their ability to be so kvetchy all the time, to make golden gods, to ask for ridiculous things in the face of miracles. Yet I find that the post-traumatic-stress-riddled Jews of Egyptian slavery time are not a whole lot different than the average Moishe of Central Parkway. Granted, the Hebrews saw wildly unnatural-seeming miracles, splitting seas, weirdly selective plagues like darkness and firstborn slaying and what have you. They had a lot of chutzpah being so faithless.

But it's not like your snazzy LA Jew hasn't seen miracles. His bizarre success wherever he goes, the way he is so oddly and frequently spared from tragic or disasterous events, the birth of the State of Israel far across the ocean and its uncannily rapid growth and prosperity in its old haunts, with its old language. Honestly - it's pretty obvious that G-d is still taking care of His people Israel. There are a lot of American Jews who would heartily testify to the omnipotent kindness of our Lord to the Jewish people, and latch on to many of his commandments in loyalty and affirmation.

But when we talk about getting out of good old Flatbush... ooohhh nooooo. Suddenly, everything is too hard, too scary. To me, it sounds something like this: "Let us be and we will serve Egypt, for it is better that we should serve Egypt than that we should die in the Wilderness." This wilderness was a place where the Israelites' every need would be cared for, where they would learn the Torah and eat to satiety. At least we can give them the benefit of the doubt in regard to their disbelief - though they should have known that Hashem would take care of them in the Wilderness, they had no forward lines who had preceded them, whose well-being they could take comfort in.

Yet the American Jew of today has that very thing. Israel is filled with flourishing beauty, holy Torah, rich agriculture and comfortable living, experienced currently by almost 6 million of his relatives. But he sees his road to Israel, his Wilderness, as not being worth the potential costs. Yes, he knows he's giving up SOMETHING. But his lack of faith causes him to seek comfort in that which is killing him, and to see his ladder up and out as certain death.

As an aside, one could say similarly of those living in Israel today who believe that we are sure to face doom and destruction, who mock those of us who begin to get a whiff of the burning offerings in a future Temple or plan our vacation homes in Basra. To them, anything bespeaking growth and uncharted territory is farcical, impractical, or dangerous. Better to be safe than sorry.

How ironic it is that all of these people rely on things which are utterly unsafe and uncertain and don't run like hell for the Wilderness, which is in fact the only safety there is.

May we all embrace our personal Wilderness, and let it lead us on a path to all things holy, right here in our holy land.

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15 Seconds With The President

There's a lot of hubbub surrounding the visit of US President George W. Bush.

The Post-Zionist Left, face it, is wetting itself with anticipation over the prospect of Bush backing Israel into a corner and, as the uberscuzzy editor of Haaretz so Haaretzly put it, raping our country of any last vestiges of meaning or dignity. They're hoping Bush will pizzazz the land right out from under us, hacking away at the most biblical of our biblical lands, and ultimately bringing down the Zionists, who are like so many pesky cockroaches revealing themselves after a bug bomb.

This morning, as our mountaintop was covered with a welcome low-hanging cloud after some much needed nighttime rainfall, we heard a familiar sound - the approach of a Blackhawk.
Because of our proximity to both Ramallah and Baal Hatzor, as well as our possession of a nice, uninhabited flat space, we are frequented by practicing pilots, who land and take off, land and take off.

As we were listening to the buzzing and swooshes, my husband commented to me that perhaps they are practicing bringing in Bush - after all, Bush's entourage is rumored to be planning a Ramallah visit, making a helicopter landing and drive through Beit El somewhat likely. Olmert's government is going to be doing everything in its power to keep Bush away from any real people or places during his visit (we wouldn't want the endearing qualities of the Jewish people to get in the way of our cold, heartless peace plans, now would we?), so it's quite possible that he will be whisked above the annoying realities, and come to Ramallah via helicopter.

So I asked my husband: "What if he does land here, and we have the chance to speak to him for 15 seconds? What would you say?" That got us thinking.

By the by, you never know. I recommend that you all prepare 15 seconds worth of material - who knows if G-d will make you the shaliach for His message to this King of America.

What would you say? "Free Jonathan Pollard!" "Go back to Texas!" "Please, don't divide Jerusalem - you don't want that kind of Wrath, trust me."

So I leave it to you: What would YOU say to President George W. Bush if you ran into him in Israel?

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Many Faces, One Country

Congratulations to the winner of the Nefesh b'Nefesh "Israel In a Minute" video contest, recipient of $3,000 (that's 11,871 shekels for people in Israel THIS minute - cha-ching!), and maker of one kickin' PR piece. Reminds me of some of the material I received when applying to college - young, edgy, idealistic, and there's a chick with dreads - all the necessary components!

If you like it, and you live outside of Israel, click HERE.

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"Place Your Lemon On the Conveyor Belt, Sir"

(Click to Enlarge)

You lucky, lucky American Jews. Do you know that the United States' vigilant anti-terror watch, which has become so vigorous as to ban potentially explosive shampoo and expose feet, has been downgraded just for you?

Apparently, despite your suspicious appearance and strange rituals, you will be allowed to board planes with the most dangerous weapon of all:

Your Etrog.

U.S. Allows Carrying 'Four Species' on Airplanes

(IsraelNN.com) The United States Transportation Administration has stated that the "four species" (arba minim) of a palm branch, myrtle and willow twigs and the etrog are not on the TSA's list of prohibited items for carrying on airplanes in the country. ["Sir, we have a 458 subsection B here. That's right, we believe several passengers are potentially smuggling illegal substances inside suspicious vegetation which they have brought on the plane..... yes sir, I believe that one of the leafy materials resembles marijuana... Okay, I'm taking him in."]

The department noted that the arba minim used on the Sukkot holiday are significant for Jews and has advised workers and security officials at airports that Jews may be meditating and using them in prayers while waiting for airplanes. ["*gasp* Dear G-d in Heaven, is that bearded man wobbling and shaking that green sword and that yellow grenade looking thing?! I just KNEW that it would be my plane, I KNEW it!! Our G-d, who art in Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name..."]

On one recent flight, passengers were suspicious of an Jew who was meditating while praying.

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Calling All Bleeders

If you're blessed enough to be in Israel for the holiday of Sukkot, healthy, AND a good bloodletter, then step up to the needle and donate some blood to alleviate Israel's severe shortage!!

Israel's Magen David Adom is conducting blood drives at two Jerusalem hotels and has extended its blood collection center hours because of the special need.

Visitors and citizens alike can donate blood at the David Citadel Hotel in Jerusalem on Sunday, September 30 from 9 am to 1 pm, and at the Inbal Hotel in Jerusalem on Tuesday, October 2 from 9 am to 1 pm or at numerous Magen David Adom sites throughout the country.

Additional blood drives will be scheduled through the beginning of November.

For more information on donating blood to the MDA, please contact American Friends of Magen David Adom at (212) 757-1627 or in Israel at 057 761-4220.

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Idol Worship on a Fixed Rate Mortgage

Lately, Madonna's arrival for Rosh Hashanah has been raising a lot of talk - the woman who's only LIKE a vir... well, you know, is coming to Israel, sporting her red string and expensive, sports drink-like Judaism... but thinks Rosh Hashanah is cool, reportedly dresses respectfully in Israel, and will probably get at least a few hundred unaffiliated Jews thinking about why Madonna has cast a kind eye on the Jewish State, and why they themselves had never considered it.

If Madonna had never studied with the infamous Kabbalah Center, she would probably be more welcome here. As it is, she is undergoing much good ol' fashioned scrutiny.

But considering what her roots are, I'd say she's taken a giant leap into legitimate monotheism.

After all, she could be touting St. Joseph, the patron saint of home sales.




Here's what you do, if you still maintain faith that tiny clay models of people have major power over your life:



For just $9.95 (or $13.95 for REAL believers who want the larger idol), you buy the Original 4" St. Joseph Statue Home Sales Kit.



You plop the made-in-China deity in a bag, flip 'im upside down, and face its factory-formed face toward your property, and watch those offers come rollin' in!

This kind of stuff makes the Kabbalah Center look like the foyer of the Beit Ha Mikdash. NOT THAT I'M ADVOCATING IT (I can just see all those indignant comments)!! If you want some REAL Judaism, Esther/Madonna, here's a link for you. In the meantime, an apple and honey should cost you no more than 10 shekels - don't let Rabbi Berg fleece you.

And welcome to Israel!

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Why I Returned To...

As I was preparing for one of my shows at Israel National Radio, I came across this article by a Jewess who finds meaning in the newfound hard life in the Big Easy. Change "New Orleans" to "Anywhere in Israel", and I'll bet many of us would really relate to her. Even her discussion of local politicians hits home. As it is, she's seeking meaning near the Gulf of Mexico, not the Gulf of Aqaba, so it falls a little short for me, but let me know what you think:

Writer: Why I returned to New Orleans
Gail Naron Chalew - JTA.org

Despite all the problems, says writer Gail Naron Chalew, life in New Orleans seems richer, more vibrant, and more purposeful, and you cannot put a dollar value on that.


NEW ORLEANS (JTA) -- Anniversaries are times to remember the past, and I am luckier than most people because my memories are preserved in print. They can’t be deluged by toxic floodwaters or spread to the winds.

I just have to read what I wrote one week after Katrina, or during that first year when I was living in exile in Baltimore, to churn up the emotion and passion that is life in New Orleans these days.

It is precisely this intensity that keeps me here.

For several months, my husband and I had been weighing whether to accept a generous job offer for him in another city. When we made the decision to stay, I knew it was the right one.

A theologian once said that spirituality is living in the more. By that definition, New Orleans is a very spiritual place.

But it is no longer “The Big Easy.” We cannot take for granted basic services like water, electricity, streetlights and smooth roads. Insurance, utilities and rent have skyrocketed, as has crime. Mental health and day care services are a fraction of what they were pre-Katrina. Although much progress has been made in fixing damaged homes and businesses, there are still abandoned homes with weeds taking over the lawns and debris marring the streets of neighborhoods that flooded.

My governor has bungled billions in federal funds designed to help homeowners rebuild. My senator is in a call girl’s phonebook, my congressman was caught with $90,000 in his freezer and was indicted for bribery, and my at-large councilman just pleaded guilty to corruption charges. I used to criticize the mayor for not taking a leadership role in the recovery effort. Given his recent remarks lauding the city’s high murder rate as keeping New Orleans’ brand alive, I only want him to keep his mouth shut until his successor is elected.

So why did we decide to stay?

Put simply, life here seems richer, more vibrant, and more purposeful, and you cannot put a dollar value on that.

We who have chosen to stay and rebuild are like the chalutzim, the pioneers who built the modern state of Israel. We feel a part of both making history and making a difference.

Fixing up your home, helping others salvage their belongings, eating out in a restaurant, even buying tchotchkes in the French Market—all that makes a difference.

But what makes life even more meaningful is the opportunity that disaster has provided to reinvent an entire city and its institutions, from health care to education to neighborhood redevelopment. Dozens of idealistic young Jews -- including my 24-year-old daughter, who is working for a micro-enterprise project in the African American community -- are flocking to New Orleans to make that difference, enlivening the Jewish community in the process.

New Orleans has become an incubator for these young people and their non-Jewish peers, providing them an environment characterized by a combination of significant challenges and significant responsibility.

Just as a marker of Baby Boomer status was being at Woodstock in ’69, this generation’s credentials might be measured by whether or not they were in New Orleans after Katrina.

As an aging Boomer, I cannot think of anything more rejuvenating than to be around these energetic, high-minded young people who believe they indeed have the power to change the world. They will be the political, education and community leaders of the coming decades.

My husband and I are staying in New Orleans because of a sense of obligation. He is a pediatric specialist in a city with few health care resources; here he knows he will make an impact.

As a volunteer, I have been serving as an informal liaison between the New Orleans Jewish Federation and Jewish groups from across the country come here and do the very unglamorous work of gutting and de-weeding and putting up sheetrock. Taking these volunteers on disaster tours and helping them have these meaningful experiences is my way of rebuilding the city.

We are staying also because the education that my 17-year-old son is getting by living in post-Katrina New Orleans is invaluable, despite the fact that his flooded high school is still not completely repaired.

He has learned the importance of self-reliance: if you see something that should be changed, then get involved and don’t wait for government to help you. He has learned the importance of local community: the first businesses to reopen were ones owned by locals, and many of the chain stores have decided not to rebuild. He has seen villains and heroes in action, and now is better able to distinguish between the two.

From his parents, who have rejected an easier life for a more meaningful one, he has learned the importance of fulfilling one’s obligations and valuing the intangibles of commitment and passion.

We are also staying for a less noble but no less important reason: New Orleans is fun!

We build into our schedule time to eat its great food, hear its great music, and savor its beautiful architecture. Just walking around the French Quarter makes us feel as if we are on vacation.

New Orleans stirs and then satisfies the passions; in the midst of tragedy, it celebrates life.

And what could be better than that.

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Israel's Dancing Robots

No, I'm not talking about the current Israeli government.

I'm talking awesome, Bukharian-Jewish, young-religious, Robocup-scoring genius machines that make Israel look GOOD!! Don't you just love good news?

Israeli students shine at international robotics dancing competition

Three students of robotics from the Or Avner Yeshiva High School were congratulated by Prime Minister Ehud Olmert last week for their victory in Robocup, the Robot World Cup Initiative Dancing Challenge held in Atlanta, Georgia last month.

Gabriel Yisraelov, Itzik Yalizerov and Alex Chaimov beat 50 teams from 23 other countries with their creations Mommy, Mafrat and Brownie the dog.

Olmert was treated to an exclusive performance in which the robots, dressed in the traditional Bukharian dress of their creators' native land (all three immigrated to Israel from Bukharia, Uzbekistan), twirled to a slow song about the coming of the Messiah. Olmert was as impressed as the Robocup audience in the US, which gave the Israeli team a standing ovation.

Moti Meir, the winners' teacher, said that "Or Avner nurtured them and dedicated all of its resources toward helping them."

The 11th RoboCup tournament, held at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta, consisted of two challenges, explained Chaimov. In one, each country's team competed against all the others. In the second, three teams had to work together to program a new dance for all their robots.

Teamed with Japanese and American students, the Israelis proposed a wedding. Dan the American robot would marry Mafrat - to Mommy's disapproval. Brownie would come to the lovebirds' rescue, barking at Mommy. The Japanese robot would join in the dancing when the couple finally got married.

Chaimov, 16, who built Mafrat, arrived from Bukharia just two-and-a-half years ago. The Bukharian natives' interest in robotics began before RoboCup. Chaimov created a "smart room," where motion sensors trigger lights to turn on when people enter the room and off when people leave. He hopes to develop a breakdancing robot next year - in the 11th grade.

Yisraelov devised a menora that lights up with realistic flames, which turn on and off in the correct order. Yalizerov invented a robot that is able to sense the color black, following any thick black line.

Diamond billionaire Lev Leviev, the Bukharian-born supporter of the Or Avner schools, called the three students his "dearest diamonds."

"None of this would have been able to happen if the school hadn't paid for our materials and our flight to Atlanta," said Yisraelov.

RoboCup is an international research and education initiative, and the first official games were held in Nagoya, Japan in 1993. Since then, the annual games were hosted by different countries around the world including France (1998), Australia (2000), Germany (2006).

You can view another article on this story at the Chabad website - apparently, Ohr Avner is a Chabad school. Way to go!

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